everybody is crazy or weird nowadays...me...I'm..j

happy easter

chocolate chip cake with a cinnamon cream cheese filling Marshmellow fondant & hand painted flower

x: u make me smile.

me: you make me want to stick needles all over my body and slowly yank each one upward. & when every inch of my body is bleeding and cut i will then repeatedly stab myself until the pain because so unbearable i pass out. thats how you make me feel.

:)

i tend to suffer in slience. everything about my life what makes me is a secret to those who could probably help. but to those who cant help but can understand it, well they know.

enlight of recent events ive changed… though im not likely to die. nor have a death sentence to cancer at the moment. being so close to it, has scared me more then i let on. i joke abou tit talk about like nothing. but im so scared. & its not about dying because honestly, im not scared to die. im more scared of not knowing what comes after that.

but really with my surgery so close, knowng im facing something for the first time alone something this big… for me is scary. and i have no one.

everyone keeps wishing me luck. but really i just want a hug. or i’ll be there.

i guess i miss my dad….not the dad that he is now, but the one i use to talk too about everything and anything…my best friend who even though was never really there for me phsycially. no matter how much wrong hes done to me, he is my dad and i love him.  i just wish he loved me.

i want someone to tell me its okay to be scared & cry its okay to feel these things. im only human.

i think about the complicatons and the risk. having people there on stand by just incase. i feel like im going head to head with death. and i wanna embrace it, but just because im not scared doesnt mean im ready.

im not ready. not one bit.

i just wish i had a hand to hold.

-B

fuckyesjustinbiebs:

missionthinspossible:

pretty-little-gleek:

 

This is Clayton. He is six years old. One day, his mother brought him to his fathers house, and told him she would come back to get him. She never did. Clayton loved his father, until he got re-married, to his new step-mother, Carmen. Clayton endured a horrible fate. They wrapped in a wire fence and locked it with chains, so he couldn’t sit down. Then, they locked him inside of the closet, the hot, dark, airless closet. Sometimes they didn’t feed him for more then 24 hours at a time. He ate the paper of the floor, and walls of the closet. Sometimes, they gave him food, coated with burning sauce, and no water. When he had to go to the bathroom, he had to go on himself, then his ‘parents’ would rub his poo on his face, sometimes getting in his mouth. When he tried screaming to get out, his father would open the closet, and pee on him. Sometimes taking a cup of pee, and pouring it over his head. Other times, they would shove dish soap into his mouth. And leave it there without rinsing it out. The little boy would beg and scream to be free. One person heard his screams, and she, too, was a child. The little boys step-sister, who would take him out of the closet and feed him, when there parents left. But she couldn’t take it anymore. She ran away. Carmen, her step-mother, alerted the police of where she might be hiding. They found her. She begged them not to take her back, also telling him what they have been doing to Clayton. After months of this happening, the parents were only sentenced 4 & 1/2 year in prison. Clayton’s father, was released after 6 months. Carmen, after 2 years. Reblog if you’re against child abuse.

this was on oprah yesterday, i feel like half the time these things are made up or made to seem worse but this one is definitely 100% real, Clayton is now 19 years old and has grown into a fine young man. fuck the child abusers. 

awe :(

(via clearly-a-dork)

so i decided to try nuva rng because well i cant remember my name let alone a freaking pill everyday at the same time. tried it EPIC FAIL.

so it was either nuva ring or mirena which i really wanted but when i heard about the very slim chance of it getting stuck and it needing to be surgically removed i knew that with my luck it would happen so i said fuck it lets try nuva ring.

Now for those of you who live under a rock and dont know what nuva ring is, its a birth control ring that you shove up in your vaginal area and leave it there for 3 weeks. remove it for one. & repeat. simple. i thought.

so today is my 3rd day on it. and i can tell you im experiencing every freaking side effect there is.. (minus bleeding which usually turns into a period )

but  sure do have & have been experiencing the following

•  headache [x]
• Nausea [x]
• cramping (grr)[x]
• tenderness in my breast (which can be a good thing if ur a/b cup) [x]
• hot flashes [x]
• & last but not least the lovely..yeast infection [x]

Now im pretty sure most women dont get these many side effects. my sister has been using it for a week or something and she hasnt had any side effects so of course leave it to my body to freaking spazz.

im giving this shits 2 weeks, im hoping my body gets use to it. if not im definitely going to mirena. (plus the money i’ll save when my period stops all together after a yr) though im probably one of the few grls who doesnt complain about her period. i do hella complan about cramps because i get those super bad. but my period is my best friend. she & i are on good terms. lol

blahhh

youdrivemeinsaneee:

CHINITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! i’ll be home friday… lol leave my key on the dresser… i’ll drop off at your job-o if ur gonna be working before i head out to jerz.

yooooo are you working btw? i wanna go get sangrias & do my hair & eyebrows. &&&&&&&&& shop a little…okay…

 Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lets do it! ‘ll def be there by the afternoon so dont go anywhere wait for meeeeeeee!

YOU EVA GO NITE NITE NIGGA?!?!?!?!?!

CHINITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! i’ll be home friday… lol leave my key on the dresser… i’ll drop off at your job-o if ur gonna be working before i head out to jerz.

yooooo are you working btw? i wanna go get sangrias & do my hair & eyebrows. &&&&&&&&& shop a little…okay really i mean eat…but still

this song is amazing because touches everything i felt.

i’ll make dinner as well. i want something a little spicy…..

something bout baking that i love.. i can be mad or upset but once i start baking im just so calm. i think ima going to bake something everyday.

today im thinking.

banana cupcakes with a vanilla pastry cream. & to garnish little bit of chocolate chips

i dont like my cupcakes overly sweet. so im going use less sugar in my batter. and focus on the cream.

i’ll put up pics as soon as im done.